“Am I Worthy…?
“LOOKING BACK AT "WHAT ARE YOU" SHOW AT 7 STAGES
Last week, we performed our last show,of 'What are You?'
What a journey it has been. I've been involved in several versions of this production over the past four years. The first version was in 2020, during the COVID-19 epidemic. Because theaters weren't performing for live audiences, it was a film rather than a live stage performance. A few years later, in 2022, we did a version on the beltline. This time, we finally had the opportunity to perform it in a theater as an immersive experience for a live audience.
I am incredibly grateful to Nicolette for coming up with this idea and inviting me to explore this topic. I'm also thankful for the other artists: Monica, Jacquelyn, Arthur, Aileen, Ari, Kai, Wuzii, Alisha, Aubrey, Gryff, and others.
One of the first things we did in this version was to develop the idea of different representations of our racial identity. When Nicolette introduced the idea of having a symbol, I thought about what symbol I could use. My first idea was to use a Black Power Afro pick. I didn't want to settle for the first thing that came to mind so quickly. I put that idea aside and wrecked my brain to think of something better. I thought hard about what other things I could use as a symbol. As we continued to rehearse, I realized I was running out of time and needed to decide. I eventually settled on sticking with the Black Power Afro pick because I couldn't think of anything else. Part of what convinced me to stick with the idea of the pick was that Heidi said that Aileen, one of the crew members, could make a 6-foot Black Power Afro pick that I could use as a prop in the show. This pick would be as big as me and offer some interesting ideas.
After that decision, we continue working to develop the rest of the show. This process led me to think of the Jackson 5, 45 records, and the idea of wearing my brother's hand-me-down clothes and "dressing "for church came to mind.
I'm also grateful that Nicolette used my mother's music. Several years before my mother passed away, I took mom to a recording studio and had her record some of her favorite gospel songs. We used one of these recordings, "This Joy, "in the beltline version from two years ago, and Nicolette liked the idea of keeping it in the show for this production. For this production, we decided that I would play along with my mother on the piano as part of the final transition for the show. This was a delight because although I grew up hearing my mother play the piano, I never had the opportunity to play with her until this production came along. I'm very grateful that this production allowed me to do that.
Sharing my mother's music made me think about how we use art. I have always felt sensibility and sentimentality toward my mom's music. Because it was so personal to me, it was something that I held close to my heart. However, sharing it and using it in this show for others to hear was appealing. Sharing it with others makes it more valuable.
Exploring racial identity has always interested me. I was eager to do it when I heard about this project from Nicolette. I thought about Grace, my daughter, who is interracial, and the other stories that need to be heard.
Below are my "I Am Statement" and my monologue from the show.
I am from Jackson 5 Records, the 45 singles.
I am from the feeling of wearing my brother's hand-me-down clothes.
I am from a morning breakfast with bacon
I am from a daily bus ride that passes a Confederate monument
I am from the sound of hearing my mother play the piano
I am from a church service every Sunday at 11 AM. Then… another church service that same day at 7:30 in the evening
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Please give it up for the Black Power Afro Pick!
I saw picks like this everywhere, especially in back pockets as a child. …The pick would go in your back pocket, and the fist could be seen just above the edge of your pocket, showing a sense of pride to anyone who saw it. Although my hair is a little shorter now, in the 1970s, I used a pick like this to comb my afro.
As a child, I also remember hearing the call-and-response chants around me. Sometimes, I would hear this response in church; other times, it will be in another part of the community. These chants had a sense of syncopation that was always around. Sometimes, I could hear this syncopation in how my mother played the piano; other times, I could see it in how my father would play with a baseball.
Being black is at the root of who I am. I was born the child of black parents. I grew up in a black neighborhood where I played with other black children. That's where I learned right from wrong and a sense of fair play. Kids can be hard on each other. Sometimes, I was teased and mocked. Other times, I was the one the kids mocking others.
In 1968, Olympic athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos won medals in Mexico City for their achievements. During the award ceremony, they put black gloves on their hands and raised their fists in protest while the national anthem played.
This protest shocked the establishment. This exhibition of black pride, power, and resistance was unacceptable. After the protest, Smith and Carlos were vilified. In the years that followed, they were subjected to abuse and death threats.
Now…Today, I wonder, do I measure up to what they and others have done? Have I exhibited my sense of Black pride, power, and resistance? I ask myself, where have I lived up to this responsibility? Have I done enough? Am I doing enough? The sound of the children in the neighborhood mocking me returns. But now I'm an adult, and the voice in my head says….
"Am I Black enough?"
My challenge is balancing this existence, reconciling it, and somehow making sense of it all.
Am I worthy of the Black Power Afro pick?