As I sat in rehearsal listening to the music, I choked up. I've been listening to my mother sing and play all of my life, but this experience was different. My mom, Florence Gordon, passed away six years ago. Several years earlier, I made recordings of mom playing and singing gospel music. Listening to one of the songs in this rehearsal made me choke up and cry. These recordings of her singing are some of the more precious memories I have of her. 

I was very familiar with hearing her music. Yet, hearing her music in this rehearsal was different. I was in a rehearsal for the 7 stages production of Nicolette Emanuelle's show "What Are You." In this setting, other people were acknowledging the music. They liked it. They never knew my mom. They never heard her play in person. Yet they saw some value in the music she left behind. I began to choke up as I thought about my mom and her music.

 I thought of the joy the music gave her and how she expressed herself in it. The music was an artistic outlet for her. I don't think she ever called herself an artist. Often, she would minimize its significance. She would say, "I'm just banging on these keys and yelling”.  However, she was an artist in the truest sense of the word.

It was emotionally moving to share her music. This music for her was profoundly personal and spiritual. The music was beyond mere notes on a piano or words in a book. The expression shared, the experience revealed, the testimony that she shared was indeed her witness, the experiences from her life. That's why I was so moved when I was asked to have my mom's music in the production. 

The song I played in rehearsal was one I thought would fit the show's mood. It's called "This Joy." The placement of the music worked well. The show brings up some dark and troubling experiences. Mom's song, "This Joy," is after these dark and painful moments. It introduces a joyful and beautiful transition in the show. 

This experience became a way of showing that her music matters. It was a way of validating where I come from. The identity that shaped my life, the foundational aspects of the church I grew up in. The joy and the expression of my mother singing and playing the piano. All of these things matter. 

Who am I? One thing is clear. I am my mother's son.

The 7 Stages production of "What Are You?" created by Nicolette Emanuelle was performed on April 28 and May 1. More information about the production is here.

You can find more music by Florence Gordon, aka my mom, here.

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