Some work is beginning to return after over a year and a half of COVID. I've booked several gigs recently. Some of these are regular gigs that seem to be returning to usual. Some of these other jobs are new gigs I've never done before. I'm glad to have the opportunity to work at these unique places. 

That said, there is still a sence of uncertainty lingering.  With it, a feeling of almost getting there, but not quite. This feeling allows us a glimpse of some normality without COVID. However, the reality of this "normal" always seems just out of reach. 

Dealing with this uncertainty is difficult. In that difficulty, I have had some success during Covid. I've made some new work relationships online. I've done some fantastic work virtually with new organizations. However, the constant uncertainty is very frustrating. Often I feel like I do a lot of work towards one goal only to find that the goal post has been moved, the plan changed. Usually, there's no one to blame other than fate or Covid in general.

Over the past year and a half, the concerns about the dangers of Covid have made me feel like I am constantly dodging danger. The threat of getting the disease. Fortunately, I've managed to stay healthy. This makes me think of the myth of Sisyphus. Sisyphus was a king who cheated death.  The gods were mad at Sisyphus. They wanted him dead. However, twice Sisyphus managed to outwit death. In much of the same way, I feel like many of us have worked to outsmart the Covid virus and the stress and anxiety of living our lives in these weird times.

 I feel like I'm living Sisyphus' final fate. After cheating death twice, he was finally captured. He was given a simple task, to roll a rock to the top of the hill. It sounds relatively simple. However, completing the job was not. Each time we get to the top of the hill, he thinks he is close to achieving the goal. But the rock rolls back to the bottom of the hill, where he has to start all over again. This pattern repeats, time, and time, and time again. He works to finish the job of rolling the rock up the hill, only to have the rock fall all the way down to the bottom of the hill, where he has to start all over again. 

Why is it so hard to move this rock…

We work hard to finish the task only to find that we have to start all over again. So, that's how I’ve felt, especially these past several weeks. I feel like I've managed to survive, but that final goal, that final destination, remains elusive. 

I will continue on the Sisyphean task. Hoping to find pleasure and value in the journey rather than the final resting place for the rock.

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